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A Parent's Guide to

Talking To Your Child

We’re here to help you understand the signs, start the conversations, and find the right support. A comprehensive guide for families navigating adolescent mental health together.

5 min read

3 ways to get your teen to open up to you

It’s not always easy to get teens to share their feelings. Dr. Lisa Damour, psychologist, mother and best-selling author shares three things you can do to get them talking.

IN THIS ARTICLE

01

How to Talk to Your Teen About Mental Health

02

Before You Start

03

How to Actually Have the Conversation

04

A Few Conversation Starters to Try

05

When Your Teen Won’t Talk to You

06

Knowing When to Involve a Professional

01 Overview

How to Talk to Your Teen About Mental Health

Most parents know, on some level, that staying connected to their teenager is one of the most protective things they can do for their child's mental health. They also know how hard it can be. The closed bedroom door, the one-word answers, the eye rolls when you ask how their day went. Talking to a teenager about something as personal as their emotional wellbeing can feel like trying to open a lock without the key.

But the research is clear: teens who feel understood and respected by a parent are more likely to have higher self-esteem, lower rates of depression, and are less likely to engage in risky behaviors. The conversations don't have to be long or profound to matter. What matters most is that they happen, and that they happen in a way that makes your teen feel safe rather than interrogated.

Normalizing mental health as a topic in your household is one of the most protective things you can do. When teens grow up hearing that it is okay to not be okay, that struggles are human rather than shameful, they are more likely to ask for help when they need it.

02 Preparation

Before You Start: Set Yourself Up

Manage your own emotions first.

Teens are attuned to their parents' anxiety, and if you approach the conversation visibly tense or braced for the worst, they will often shut down to protect you, or themselves. If you feel agitated or worried, it is completely okay to say: "This is hard for me to bring up because I care about you, and I want to get it right." That kind of honesty is not a weakness. It is modeling exactly the kind of emotional openness you are trying to create.

Choose the right setting.

Face-to-face conversation can feel uncomfortably intense for some teenagers. A side-by-side activity, going for a walk, driving somewhere, cooking together, playing a game, often makes it easier to talk because there is no direct eye contact and the pressure feels lower. The goal is a setting where you both feel relatively calm and there is time to let the conversation unfold without rushing.

Don't try to do it all at once.

Mental health conversations are not a one-time event. They build over time. A short, low-key check-in today lays the foundation for a harder conversation next month. Consistency and availability matter more than any single exchange.

03 Communication

How to Actually Have the Conversation

Lead with observation, not accusation.

Rather than opening with what you think or feel, describe what you have noticed. "I've noticed you've seemed really tired lately and haven't been spending as much time with friends. I'm not trying to make a big deal of it, I just wanted to check in." This approach focuses on specific behaviors you have observed, rather than interpretations or assumptions, and it is much less likely to put your teen on the defensive.

Ask open questions and then go quiet.

Closed questions produce closed answers. "Are you okay?" will almost always get "yes." Try: "What's the hardest thing about your life right now?" or "What's been weighing on you lately?" And then genuinely wait. Give your teen space to formulate an answer. Silence is not a failure. It often means they are thinking.

Listen more than you talk.

When your teen does start to share, your job is to receive it without immediately redirecting, fixing, or minimizing. Resist the pull to jump in with solutions or reassurance too quickly. What most teenagers need first is to feel genuinely heard. You can ask, "Do you want me to just listen, or do you want help thinking through it?" That simple question often makes a real difference.

Don't minimize.

Phrases like "You have nothing to worry about," "It could be worse," or "You'll grow out of it" are well-intentioned but tend to close conversations down. They communicate, however inadvertently, that the teen's feelings are not valid or important. If your teen tells you that you're not getting it, trust that. Return to listening: "You're right, I want to understand better. Keep going."

Be honest if you don't know what to say.

You do not need to have answers. It is entirely okay to tell your teen, "I don't know what to say right now, but I'm glad you told me, and I'm not going anywhere." That kind of steady presence is often what teens need most.

04 Starters & Pitfalls

A Few Conversation Starters to Try

Sometimes having a few specific phrases ready makes it easier to begin:

Phrases to Try
  • "What's been the hardest part of your week?"
  • "I've noticed you've seemed a bit off lately. I'm not trying to pry, I just want you to know I'm here."
  • "Is there anything you wish I understood better about what you're going through?"
  • "You don't have to talk about it right now, but whenever you want to, I'm here."
  • "How can I be most helpful to you right now?"

None of these are magic. What makes them work is the consistency and safety of the relationship behind them.

What Not to Do

A few things consistently derail these conversations:

Things to Avoid
  • Reacting with strong emotion in the moment. If something your teen shares frightens or upsets you, it is okay to take a breath, regulate yourself, and come back to it. A visible panicked reaction can cause teens to immediately regret having opened up.
  • Turning it into a lecture. If listening turns into a long explanation of what they should be doing differently, most teens will disengage. Save any guidance or suggestions for after you have heard them out fully.
  • Dismissing or minimizing the concern. Even if what they are describing sounds manageable to you, it may feel enormous to them. Meeting them where they are builds trust.
05 When They Shut Down

When Your Teen Won't Talk to You

Not every teenager will open up to a parent, and that does not mean the relationship has failed. It may simply mean they need a different outlet, at least for now. Some teens find it easier to talk to a school counselor, an aunt or uncle, an older sibling, a coach, or a therapist.

If your teen doesn't want to talk to you, encourage them toward that other person rather than making it a point of conflict. The goal is for them to feel supported, not for you to be the source of the support. Staying warm, consistent, and available, without pressure, is the most important thing you can do while they find their way.

If you are genuinely worried about your teen's wellbeing and they are not engaging, do not wait indefinitely. Connecting with professional support is a reasonable next step, even if your teen has not asked for it.

06 Getting Help

Knowing When to Involve a Professional

A good rule of thumb: if you've noticed persistent changes in your teen's mood, sleep, eating, or social life lasting more than a few weeks, or if they've expressed feelings of hopelessness, worthlessness, or talked about not wanting to be here, those are signs that a professional should be part of the picture.

You don't have to be certain something is wrong to reach out. A single consultation can help you figure out whether your teen needs ongoing support or just some extra breathing room. Either way, you'll have a clearer sense of what to do next.

Your school's Care Hub is a good place to start. It connects families with vetted mental health providers and offers options including individual therapy, group support, and both in-person and virtual sessions, so you can find the right fit without having to figure it out alone. Giving your teen some say in who they speak with makes it more likely they'll engage, and a good therapist becomes one more trusted adult in their corner.

Sources & Citations
  1. UnitedHealthcare. 5 Tips to Help Start a Conversation About Mental Health with Your Child. uhc.com
  2. UNICEF. Mental Health Conversation Starters: 14-18 Years. unicef.org
  3. NAMI. How to Talk to Your Child About Their Mental Health. nami.org
  4. UNICEF. Four Things You Can Do to Support Your Teen's Mental Health. unicef.org
  5. Seattle Children's Hospital. Parenting Tool: Validation. seattlechildrens.org

This article is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice. If you are concerned about your child, please reach out to a qualified healthcare provider.

Find a Provider

Adolescent specialists near you

Browse our vetted network of therapists, psychiatrists, and counselors who specialize in adolescent mental health.

Search the Care Hub

More Parent Guides

More recommended resources for families.

Why Your Teen May Be Struggling Without Showing It

Anxiety

Depression

Body Image & Eating

Bullying

Sleep

A Parent's Guide to

Teen Anxiety

We’re here to help you understand the signs, start the conversations, and find the right support. A comprehensive guide for families navigating adolescent mental health together.

6 min read

What’s Normal Anxiety – and What’s an Anxiety Disorder?

Everyone gets anxious at times, but how can you tell when it crosses the line and needs attention? Dr. Jen Gunter shares the science behind your brain’s threat-detection system, what makes it malfunction and the most effective ways of treating it.

IN THIS ARTICLE

01

When Worry Takes Over

02

The Most Common Types of Anxiety in Teens

03

The Most Common Types of Anxiety in Teens

04

How to Recognize Anxiety in Your Teen

05

What Causes It

06

How to Talk to Your Teen About Anxiety

07

Getting Professional Support

01 Overview

What Teen Anxiety Actually Is

Every teenager worries. About exams, friendships, what other people think of them, what comes next. A certain amount of anxiety is not only normal, it actually serves a purpose. It keeps us alert, helps us prepare, and signals when something deserves our attention.

But for roughly one in four teenagers, anxiety goes beyond that. It becomes persistent, excessive, and disruptive to daily life: the kind of worry that doesn't stop even when there's nothing specific to worry about, the fear that convinces a teenager to skip school, withdraw from friends, or avoid anything that feels uncertain or uncomfortable.

Teen anxiety is also distinct from what anxiety looks like in younger children. Elementary-age kids tend to fear external things: the dark, animals, being away from parents. Teenagers turn that anxiety inward. Their worries center on how they're performing academically, how they're perceived by others, whether they fit in, and the changes happening to their bodies. The stakes feel higher, the comparisons are more intense, and the pressure to succeed in school, socially, and online is relentless.

The good news is that anxiety is one of the most treatable mental health conditions in young people. And a parent who understands what to look for and how to respond is one of the most important factors in getting a teenager the help they need. When anxiety reaches the point of interfering with their functioning, it needs to be taken seriously.

02 Types

The Most Common Types of Anxiety in Teens

Anxiety isn't one thing. It shows up in several different forms, and knowing the distinctions can help you understand what your teen may be experiencing.

Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD)

Persistent, unfocused worry about many different things at once, from grades to health to family finances to the future. Teens with GAD often can't pinpoint exactly what they're anxious about, which makes it even harder to dismiss.

Social Anxiety

An intense fear of being judged, embarrassed, or humiliated in social situations. For some teens, this is severe enough that it interferes with going to class, participating in activities, or maintaining friendships. It is one of the most common forms of anxiety in adolescents.

Panic Disorder

Recurring, unexpected panic attacks: sudden episodes of intense physical fear that can include a racing heart, chest tightness, dizziness, shortness of breath, and a feeling of losing control. These episodes can last 10 to 15 minutes and are genuinely terrifying, both for the teen experiencing them and for parents watching.

Specific Phobias

Intense fears of particular things or situations, like health, heights, or confined spaces, that are disproportionate to the actual danger involved.

03 Warning Signs

How to Recognize Anxiety in Your Teen

Because teenagers are often reluctant to talk about what they're feeling, and because anxiety doesn't always look like worry, many parents miss the signs. Here is what to watch for:

Signs to Watch For
  • Irritability and anger. Like depression, anxiety in teens often looks like frustration or hostility rather than fear. A teen who snaps constantly or seems perpetually on edge may be carrying a lot of internal distress.
  • Avoidance. Refusing to go to school, dropping out of activities, declining invitations, or making excuses to avoid anything new or uncertain is a major red flag. Avoidance provides short-term relief but makes anxiety worse over time.
  • Physical complaints without a medical cause. Stomachaches, headaches, and chronic fatigue that don't have a clear physical explanation are very common in anxious teens. These symptoms are real, not invented.
  • Withdrawal and isolation. Pulling back from friends, family, and social life, especially combined with spending more time alone online, can signal that anxiety is taking hold.
  • Declining grades. Difficulty concentrating, perfectionism that leads to paralysis, and fear of being called on or evaluated can all show up as academic struggles.
  • Constant reassurance-seeking. Repeatedly asking "Are you sure it's going to be okay?" or needing repeated confirmation about plans, relationships, or performance is a common anxiety behavior.
  • Sleep problems. Trouble falling asleep, frequent waking, or a racing mind at night are closely tied to anxiety.

If these patterns have been going on for several weeks and are affecting your teen's daily functioning, don't wait to see if they grow out of it. They may not.

04 Causes

What Causes It

There is no single cause of teen anxiety. It typically results from a combination of factors.

Biology and genetics

Biology and genetics play a meaningful role. Anxiety tends to run in families, and teens with a biological predisposition are more susceptible, particularly when life circumstances add additional pressure.

Life pressures and stressors

Academic demands, college expectations, social dynamics, romantic relationships, family stress, bullying, trauma, and major transitions can all trigger or worsen anxiety in a vulnerable teen.

Social media

Research consistently links heavy social media use to higher rates of anxiety and depression in teens. The constant comparison of appearances and social lives, the pressure to perform for an audience, the fear of missing out, and the harassment that can occur online all contribute. Teens who spend more than three hours per day on social media show significantly higher rates of mental health struggles. This doesn't mean phones need to be confiscated, but it does mean that how and how much your teen uses social media is worth paying attention to.

05 Communication

How to Talk to Your Teen About Anxiety

The most important thing you can do before seeking any professional help is open the door to honest conversation. That sounds simple, but it takes real skill to do well with a teenager.

Lead with curiosity, not alarm.

If you come at the conversation with visible worry or urgency, your teen is more likely to shut down or minimize what they're feeling to reassure you. Try approaching it gently: "I've noticed you've seemed really stressed lately and I just wanted to check in."

Validate without feeding the anxiety.

Acknowledge that what they're feeling is real and that it makes sense they feel that way. Avoid dismissing it ("You have nothing to worry about") or catastrophizing it ("Oh no, that sounds really bad"). Neither helps. What helps is a calm, steady: "That sounds really hard. Tell me more."

Don't push for solutions right away.

Many teens just need to feel heard before they can accept any kind of help. If you rush to fix the problem or offer advice before they feel understood, they'll stop talking. Listen first.

Keep showing up.

If your teen shuts you out the first time, try again another day. Your consistency and availability matter more than any single conversation.

06 At Home

What You Can Do at Home

Support healthy physical habits.

Sleep, exercise, and nutrition have a direct and measurable effect on anxiety. Teens need 9 to 10 hours of sleep per night, and most aren't getting close to that. Regular physical movement, even short walks, helps regulate the nervous system. Caffeine, vaping, and alcohol all worsen anxiety symptoms significantly.

Practice relaxation together.

Simple breathing techniques, mindfulness, or even just quiet time away from screens can lower baseline anxiety. You don't have to present it as therapy. Try it yourself and invite them to join you.

Manage screens thoughtfully.

Setting consistent household limits around when and where devices are used, especially at night, is one of the most concrete things parents can do to support their teen's mental health. Frame it as a family norm, not a punishment. Lead by example.

Build their sense of competence.

Anxiety tells teens they can't handle things. You can counter that narrative by acknowledging their efforts and strengths, celebrating small wins, reframing setbacks as learning rather than failure, and encouraging them to keep trying hard things even when it's uncomfortable. Praise the effort, not just the outcome.

07 Getting Help

Getting Professional Support

If your teen's anxiety has been significantly affecting their daily life for two or more weeks, it's time to involve a professional. This is not an admission of failure. It is the same wisdom as calling a doctor when a physical illness isn't clearing on its own.

Where to start.

Your school's Care Hub is a great first step. It brings together a range of vetted service providers so you can find the right fit for your family in one place. Options typically include individual therapists, group therapy, in-person sessions, and virtual appointments.

Talk therapy.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, or CBT, is the most well-researched and effective treatment for anxiety in teens. It works by helping young people recognize the thought patterns that fuel anxiety and respond to them differently, including gradually facing the things they've been avoiding rather than continuing to avoid them. The more a teen faces what scares them (in a supported, structured way), the less power it holds over time.

Medication.

For teens whose anxiety is severe enough to prevent them from engaging in therapy, or for whom therapy alone isn't sufficient, medication may be recommended. They are most effective when used alongside therapy, not instead of it.

Involve your teen in their care.

A teenager who has some say in who they see and how they're treated is far more likely to actually engage with that help. Ask them what they're comfortable with, what they'd prefer, and how they felt after appointments. If a particular therapist isn't a good fit, it's worth finding another one.

If your teen refuses help.

Keep the conversation open. Avoid pressure or shame, but don't stop raising it. Sometimes a trusted adult who isn't a parent, a coach, an older sibling, a school counselor, can be the bridge. And sometimes starting with something low-stakes, like checking in with their doctor framed as a routine visit, can ease the way in.

If You're in Crisis Right Now
  • 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: Call or text 988 (US), available 24/7
  • Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741
  • Immediate danger: Call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room.
Sources & Citations
  1. HelpGuide.org. Anxiety in Teens: A Parent's Guide to Helping Your Child. helpguide.org
  2. KidsHealth (Nemours). Anxiety Disorders. kidshealth.org
  3. UNICEF. Anxiety in Children and Teens. unicefusa.org
  4. Johns Hopkins Medicine. Anxiety and Stress in Teens. hopkinsmedicine.org
  5. Child Mind Institute. How Anxiety Affects Teenagers. childmind.org

This article is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice. If you are concerned about your child, please reach out to a qualified healthcare provider.

Find a Provider

Adolescent specialists near you

Browse our vetted network of therapists, psychiatrists, and counselors who specialize in adolescent mental health.

Search the Care Hub

More Parent Guides

More recommended resources for families.

How To Talk To Your Child

Why Your Teen May Be Struggling Without Showing It

Depression

Body Image & Eating

Sleep

Bullying

A Parent's Guide to

Teen Depression

We’re here to help you understand the signs, start the conversations, and find the right support. A comprehensive guide for families navigating adolescent mental health together.

6 min read

The Parent's Guide to Helping a Depressed Teen

Discover how to support your depressed teen with our expert! Learn key signs of teen depression, effective ways to help your adolescent, and self-care tips for parents and family.

IN THIS ARTICLE

01

What Depression Actually Is

02

How to Recognize Depression in Your Teen

03

What Causes Teen Depression

04

Warning Signs That Need Immediate Attention

05

How to Talk to Your Teen About Depression

06

What You Can Do at Home

07

Getting Professional Support

01 Overview

What Depression Actually Is

If you've noticed your teenager seems different lately, withdrawn, irritable, or just not themselves, you're probably worried. That makes sense. Depression affects roughly one in five adolescents before they reach adulthood, and yet it often goes unrecognized because it doesn't look the way most parents expect.

The good news is that depression is treatable, and your involvement as a parent makes a genuine difference in how your child recovers. This guide will help you understand what depression is, how to recognize it in your teen, how to talk about it, and how to get the right support.

What Depression Actually Is

Depression is not moodiness, a phase, or a sign that you've done something wrong as a parent. It's a serious medical condition that causes a persistent sense of sadness, emptiness, or hopelessness that doesn't lift the way normal emotions do. It affects how your child thinks, feels, and functions every single day, and it can touch every part of their life, from school performance to friendships to physical health.

Left untreated, depression can get worse over time. But with the right support, most young people do get better. Understanding what you're looking at is the first and most important step.

02 Warning Signs

How to Recognize Depression in Your Teen

One of the reasons teen depression is so often missed is that it doesn't always look like sadness. In teenagers, the most visible symptom is frequently irritability or anger rather than tearfulness. Your teen may seem hostile, easily frustrated, or prone to outbursts that seem out of proportion to what's happening. That's not defiance. It may be pain that doesn't have another outlet.

Other signs to watch for include:

Signs to Watch For
  • Withdrawing from family while still maintaining some friendships. Depressed teens don't always go completely silent, but you'll notice a shift in closeness, especially with you.
  • Dropping grades or losing motivation at school. Low energy and difficulty concentrating can make a previously capable student suddenly struggle or disengage.
  • Giving up activities they used to love. Quitting a team, losing all enthusiasm for a hobby, or stopping things they once looked forward to are all meaningful changes.
  • Sleeping too much or too little. Depression disrupts sleep in both directions, and teens need significantly more sleep than adults to function well.
  • Changes in eating habits. A loss of appetite or, on the flip side, eating much more than usual can both be signs of depression.
  • Unexplained physical complaints. Frequent headaches, stomachaches, or general achiness without a clear medical cause are common in depressed teens. These aren't made up. They're real symptoms of emotional distress expressing itself physically.
  • Heavy phone and social media use. Teens often go online to escape how they're feeling. But heavy social media use tends to deepen depression, particularly when teens are spending time comparing themselves to others or feeling left out of things.
  • Alcohol or drug use. Some teens try to self-medicate with substances, which only makes depression worse over time.

The key question isn't whether your teen is having a hard time, because all teens do. The real question is whether the changes you're seeing are persistent, significantly out of character, and affecting their daily life. If the answer is yes, take it seriously.

03 Causes

What Causes Teen Depression

There's rarely a single cause. Depression usually results from a combination of factors, and it's important for parents to know that it is not your fault, and it's not your child's fault either.

Biology

Biology plays a real role. Teens with a family history of depression, anxiety, or mood disorders are at higher risk. Brain chemistry, specifically how neurotransmitters carry signals, and the hormonal shifts of adolescence can also be contributing factors.

Life circumstances

Bullying (including online), academic pressure, social struggles, family conflict, trauma, and loss can all trigger or worsen depression in a teen who may already be biologically vulnerable. Past trauma, including physical or emotional abuse, can have lasting effects on how the brain responds to stress.

Social environment

Teens who feel unsupported at home, who are struggling with questions of identity, or who lack close friendships are at greater risk. So are teens who have experienced recent significant losses or major life disruptions.

Social media

Studies consistently show a link between heavy social media use and higher rates of teen depression. The pressure to compare appearances and social lives, the fear of missing out, and the sleep disruption from late-night scrolling all pile up. This doesn't mean your teen needs to go off the grid, but it does mean that mindful limits around screens are genuinely protective.

04 Crisis Signs

Warning Signs That Need Immediate Attention

Act Immediately If Your Teen
  • Is talking about death or not wanting to be here
  • Is giving away possessions that matter to them
  • Says things like "everyone would be better off without me"
  • Shows a sudden calm after a period of intense distress

Do not wait and hope it passes. Call or text 988 (Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, available 24/7) or take your teen to the nearest emergency room. Teens with depression are at elevated risk of suicide, particularly when they are also using substances. Taking these signs seriously is not overreacting. It is parenting.

05 Communication

How to Talk to Your Teen About Depression

Most parents' instinct when they're worried is to ask a lot of questions: What's wrong? Why are you acting like this? What happened? That approach, while it comes from love, often closes the door.

Depressed teens frequently feel like no one understands them, like they're a burden, or like talking will only make things worse. Your goal in that first conversation isn't to solve the problem. It's to open a door and make sure your teen knows you're standing in it.

Try something like: "I've noticed you seem really low lately. I'm not here to push you or fix anything. I just want you to know I'm here whenever you're ready." Then stop. Let the silence breathe. You don't have to fill it.

When your teen does start talking, keep these things in mind:

Listen more than you speak.

Resist the urge to minimize ("Things aren't that bad"), fix ("Here's what you should do"), or compare ("When I was your age..."). The most powerful thing you can offer is simply being present and genuinely listening.

Acknowledge their feelings without arguing with them.

Saying "That sounds really painful" goes much further than "I think you're being too hard on yourself." Even if their perspective seems distorted or irrational, their feelings are real and deserve to be honored. Trying to talk them out of how they feel tends to make teens shut down.

Be gentle but persistent.

If they shut you out the first time, try again. Depressed teens often push away the people they need most. Your willingness to keep showing up, calmly and without pressure, sends a message that matters more than the perfect words.

Trust your instincts.

If your teen insists nothing is wrong but the signs are clearly there, trust what you're seeing. You can also reach out to a school counselor, a trusted teacher, or a mental health professional to talk through your concerns, even before your teen is ready to engage directly.

06 At Home

What You Can Do at Home

While professional support is often necessary, there is a lot you can do as a parent to create an environment that supports your teen's recovery.

Stay connected.

Depression thrives on isolation. Even when your teen pushes people away, including you, connection is one of the most important factors in recovery. Prioritize low-key, one-on-one time together. It doesn't have to be a deep conversation. Watching a show together, driving them somewhere, sitting in the same room quietly, these things all communicate presence and care. Encourage in-person time with friends when your teen is ready, and look for activities that give them a sense of purpose or accomplishment.

Support their physical health.

The mind and body are deeply connected, and sleep, movement, and nutrition all have a direct effect on mood. Teens need 9 to 10 hours of sleep per night, significantly more than adults. Make sure late-night screen use isn't cutting into that. Encourage some form of physical movement daily, even a short walk counts. Keep the kitchen stocked with nourishing food rather than the sugary, processed options that give a brief lift and then deepen low mood.

Set thoughtful limits on screen time.

Heavy screen use, especially social media, is consistently linked to worse depression outcomes in teens. Rather than banning devices outright, which tends to create conflict and resentment, try setting consistent household norms around when and where phones are used. Phones out of bedrooms at night is a simple, evidence-backed starting point. Model it yourself.

Take care of yourself.

You cannot pour from an empty cup, and living with a depressed teenager is genuinely hard. You may feel helpless, frustrated, scared, or guilty at various points, sometimes all at once. Those feelings are normal and they don't make you a bad parent. Reach out to your own support network: close friends, family, or a therapist of your own. The more resourced and steady you are, the more you have to offer your child.

07 Getting Help

Getting Professional Support

There comes a point where love and a supportive home environment aren't enough on their own, and recognizing that isn't failure. It's wisdom. If your teen's symptoms have lasted two weeks or more, are significantly affecting their daily life, or if you're worried about their safety, it's time to bring in professional help.

Where to start.

Your school's Care Hub is a great first step. It brings together a range of vetted mental health service providers so you can find the right fit for your family in one place. Options typically include individual therapists, group therapy, in-person sessions, and virtual appointments.

Talk therapy

Talk therapy is typically the first-line treatment for mild to moderate teen depression. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, or CBT, is one of the most well-researched and effective approaches. It helps teens recognize and shift the negative thought patterns that fuel depression. Other approaches, like Interpersonal Therapy (IPT), focus on the relationship difficulties that often run alongside depression in adolescents.

Medication

Medication may be discussed for moderate to severe depression, or when therapy alone isn't producing enough improvement. If antidepressants are recommended, ask your doctor to walk you through what to expect, including the timeline, potential side effects, and what to watch for.

If your teen refuses help.

This is one of the hardest situations a parent can face. Keep the door open. Don't force or shame, but don't give up either. Sometimes the entry point is a trusted adult who isn't a parent, such as a coach, an older sibling, or a relative your teen is close to. Sometimes starting with something lower-stakes, like a checkup with the family doctor framed as routine, can open the door. And if you're ever genuinely concerned about their safety, that always takes priority over their preferences about treatment.

Sources & Citations
  1. HelpGuide.org. Parent's Guide to Teen Depression. helpguide.org
  2. Mayo Clinic. Teen Depression: Symptoms and Causes. mayoclinic.org
  3. NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness). 5 Things You Can Do to Help Your Child with Depression. nami.org
  4. UNICEF Parenting. What Is Depression? unicef.org
  5. KidsHealth (Nemours). Teen Depression. kidshealth.org

This article is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice. If you are concerned about your child, please reach out to a qualified healthcare provider.

Find a Provider

Adolescent specialists near you

Browse our vetted network of therapists, psychiatrists, and counselors who specialize in adolescent mental health.

Search the Care Hub

More Parent Guides

More recommended resources for families.

How To Talk To Your Child

Why Your Teen May Be Struggling Without Showing It

Anxiety

Body Image & Eating

Sleep

Bullying

A Parent's Guide to

Body Image and Eating Disorders

We’re here to help you understand the signs, start the conversations, and find the right support. A comprehensive guide for families navigating adolescent mental health together.

6 min read

What Is an Eating Disorder and When to Worry

Self-esteem can be precarious during adolescence, and body consciousness comes with the territory. But if they’re fixated on weight, it could be time to worry. So what is the difference between normal behavior and behavior that might indicate an eating disorder?

IN THIS ARTICLE

01

Body Image and Eating Disorders

02

Why Adolescence Is a Particularly Vulnerable Time

03

Understanding Eating Disorders

04

Signs That an Eating Disorder May Be Present

05

What You Can Do at Home

06

How to Talk to Your Teen About Body Image

07

Getting Professional Support

01 Introduction

Body Image and Eating Disorders

Teenagers are under enormous pressure when it comes to their bodies. Social media, peer culture, advertising, and the rapid physical changes of adolescence all converge at a time when teens are still forming their sense of self. For many, this pressure is manageable. For others, it tips into something more serious: persistent self-criticism, disordered eating, or a condition that requires real clinical support.

This guide is for parents who want to understand what healthy and unhealthy body image looks like in teenagers, what the warning signs of eating disorders are, and how to talk about these topics at home in ways that help rather than hurt.

02 Context

Why Adolescence Is a Particularly Vulnerable Time

The physical changes of puberty can be jarring, and the speed at which a teenager's body transforms makes it harder to adapt and accept. Weight gain is a healthy and normal part of development, but in a culture that often treats any weight gain as a problem, many teenagers struggle to understand this.

Social media heightens the difficulty. Teens are exposed to a constant stream of curated, filtered images that frequently depict a body type that exists nowhere in the real world. Research consistently links heavy social media use with lower body satisfaction and increased risk of disordered eating.

03 Understanding

Understanding Eating Disorders

Poor body image does not always lead to an eating disorder, but it is one of the most significant risk factors. Eating disorders are serious mental health conditions with significant physical consequences. They are not phases, not choices, and not simply about food.

Anorexia Nervosa

Involves severe restriction of food intake, an intense fear of weight gain, and a distorted body image. Teens with anorexia may see themselves as overweight even when dangerously underweight. They often follow rigid rules about food, track calories obsessively, exercise excessively, or use laxatives or diuretics. Anorexia is particularly tricky to spot because it frequently affects high-achieving, outwardly successful teenagers who mask how much they are struggling.

Bulimia Nervosa

Involves cycles of binge eating followed by compensatory behaviors such as self-induced vomiting, laxative use, fasting, or excessive exercise. People with bulimia are often close to a normal weight, which means the disorder frequently goes undetected. The physical consequences can be severe, including damage to the esophagus, tooth enamel erosion from stomach acid, dangerous electrolyte imbalances, and serious heart problems.

Binge Eating Disorder

Involves recurring episodes of eating large amounts of food in a short time, accompanied by a sense of loss of control, and followed by distress, guilt, or shame. Unlike bulimia, there is no purging afterward. Teens with binge eating disorder often eat in secret and feel deep embarrassment about their eating patterns.

04 Warning Signs

Signs That an Eating Disorder May Be Present

The following patterns in a teenager's behavior warrant attention and, if persistent, a conversation with their doctor:

Related to food and eating
  • Skipping meals consistently
  • Eating only very small portions or a rigid list of "allowed" foods
  • Disappearing to the bathroom shortly after meals
  • Making excuses to avoid eating with the family
  • Hoarding or hiding food
Related to body and appearance
  • Frequent comments about being "fat" despite having a healthy or low weight
  • Refusing to be seen in certain clothes or settings
  • Obsessive calorie counting
  • Excessive weighing
  • Intense preoccupation with the bodies of others
Behavioral and physical signs
  • Significant, unexplained weight change in either direction
  • Wearing layers of clothing to conceal the body or stay warm
  • Food wrappers hidden in the room
  • Bloodshot eyes or swollen cheeks (possible purging)
  • Deteriorating dental health
  • Dizziness or fainting
  • Loss of menstrual periods
  • Irritability, mood changes, difficulty concentrating, or social withdrawal
05 At Home

What You Can Do at Home

Start with yourself.

How parents talk about bodies, food, and appearance has a direct impact on how teenagers feel about their own. This is not about blame; it is about awareness. Notice if you make negative comments about your own body in front of your teen, label foods as "good" or "bad," praise weight loss, or comment on other people's appearances. These messages, even when casual and unintentional, are absorbed. Instead, talk about food as fuel. Discuss what your body needs to think, move, and feel well. Avoid assigning moral value to eating choices. Model talking about your own body in a way that focuses on what it does, not how it looks.

Talk about media openly.

When your teen sees an advertisement, a filtered photo, or a "transformation" video, you can make it a conversation. Point out when images have been edited. Discuss why companies have an interest in making people feel badly about their appearance. Building media literacy is one of the most protective things you can do.

Keep food as a neutral, positive part of family life.

Avoid commenting on how much anyone eats. Offer a variety of foods without framing any as forbidden. Share meals together when possible. A relaxed, social relationship with food is genuinely protective.

Prioritize what the body can do over how it looks.

Physical activity framed around enjoyment, strength, energy, and fun rather than weight loss or appearance tends to support a healthier body image. Team sports, dance, hiking, or any movement your teen genuinely enjoys can help.

06 Communication

How to Talk to Your Teen About Body Image

Conversations about body image work best when they come from curiosity rather than correction. If you notice your teen making harsh comments about their body, resist the urge to immediately reassure them or counter with compliments. Instead, try to understand where the comment is coming from.

Come from a place of validation first. Acknowledge what they are feeling before offering any perspective. "It sounds like you've been feeling really critical of yourself lately. That must be exhausting." This kind of response keeps the door open.

Avoid comments about your teen's weight or shape, even well-intentioned ones. Research consistently shows that parental weight-related comments, whether positive or negative, are associated with greater body dissatisfaction and increased risk of disordered eating. Focus on health, energy, and how they are feeling, not how they look.

If you notice concerning behaviors and want to raise it, be specific and caring rather than accusatory: "I've noticed you haven't been eating much at dinner lately, and I've been a little worried. Can we talk about how things are going?" Name what you see, not what you think it means, and keep the focus on your concern for them.

A Few Things to Say (and Not Say)

Instead of: "You look great, have you lost weight?"

Try: "You seem like you're in a good mood today. What's been going on?"

Instead of: "Don't eat that, it's so unhealthy."

Try: "Let's think about what gives us lasting energy."

Instead of: "I hate my stomach."

Try: "Sometimes I feel frustrated with my body, but I'm working on appreciating what it can do for me."

Instead of: "You'd feel better if you exercised more."

Try: "Is there something physical you'd enjoy doing together this weekend?"

07 Getting Help

When to Seek Help

If your teen shows persistent signs of disordered eating or a deeply negative body image that is affecting their daily life, relationships, or mood, it is time to bring in professional support. You do not need to wait until it becomes a crisis.

Where to Start
  • Your school's Care Hub is an important resource. It connects families with vetted mental health professionals who understand adolescent mental health, offering both individual and group support, with in-person and virtual options available.
  • Eating disorders are both medical and mental health conditions, and effective treatment typically involves more than one kind of support: a therapist or counselor, a physician monitoring physical health, and sometimes a registered dietitian.
  • Family-Based Treatment (FBT) is a well-researched approach for adolescents that actively involves parents in recovery and has strong evidence behind it.

If your teen resists help, stay the course. It can be tempting to back off when there is conflict at mealtimes or when your teen insists everything is fine. Remember that your teen did not choose to develop disordered eating, and your steady, patient presence is part of recovery, not a disruption to it.

Sources & Citations
  1. UNICEF. What Are Eating Disorders? unicef.org
  2. KidsHealth / Nemours. Eating Disorders (for Teens). kidshealth.org
  3. Kids Mental Health Foundation (On Our Sleeves). Eileen Chaves, MSc, PhD. Talking to Kids About Food and Their Bodies. kidsmentalhealthfoundation.org
  4. Psychology Today. Morgan Blair, MA, LPC. A Parent's Guide to Teen Body Image Concerns. psychologytoday.com
  5. Mayo Clinic Health System. Sasha Ulrich, M.D. and Deirdre Paulson, Ph.D. Promoting Healthy Body Image in Children and Teens. mayoclinichealthsystem.org

This article is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice. If you are concerned about your child, please reach out to a qualified healthcare provider.

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How To Talk To Your Child

Why Your Teen May Be Struggling Without Showing It

Depression

Anxiety

Sleep

Bullying

A Parent's Guide to

Sleep

We’re here to help you understand the signs, start the conversations, and find the right support. A comprehensive guide for families navigating adolescent mental health together.

4 min read

How teenagers' lack of sleep is taking a toll on their mental health

Research has found that teenagers should be getting eight to ten hours of sleep every night. But many are sleeping far less than that and nearly one in four also suffer from insomnia. William Brangham reports on why it’s so hard for so many teens to sleep, and why it’s taking a toll on their mental health.

IN THIS ARTICLE

01

Why Your Teen Is Always Tired

02

Why Teenagers Are So Sleep-Deprived

03

What Insufficient Sleep Does to a Teenager

04

Signs Your Teen May Be Sleep-Deprived

05

What You Can Do

06

Getting Professional Support

01 Overview

Why Your Teen Is Always Tired

If your teenager seems impossible to wake up in the morning, stays up until midnight on a Tuesday, and could sleep until noon on weekends, you are not imagining things. You are also not dealing with laziness. What you are watching is a genuine biological phenomenon, compounded by the pressures of school, technology, and a culture that values busyness over rest.

The result is a generation of teenagers running on significantly less sleep than their developing bodies and brains require. Understanding why this happens, what it costs them, and what you can actually do about it is the starting point for helping your teen.

How Much Sleep Do Teenagers Actually Need?

The American Academy of Sleep Medicine recommends that teenagers between 13 and 18 years old get 8 to 10 hours of sleep per night.

By those benchmarks, the majority of American teenagers are chronically sleep-deprived.Some studies have found that only 8% of high school students get the recommended amount.

This isn't a minor shortfall. Consistently sleeping even one hour less than needed adds up quickly, and the consequences for developing brains and bodies are significant.

02 Causes

Why Teenagers Are So Sleep-Deprived

Biology is the foundation.

During adolescence, the body begins producing melatonin later in the evening, meaning teenagers genuinely don't feel tired at 9 or 10 pm. Their natural rhythm pushes toward sleeping from around midnight to 8 or 9 in the morning. This is not laziness. It is how the adolescent brain is wired. The problem is that early school start times force teens to wake up well before their biological sleep cycle is complete, and simply trying to fall asleep earlier doesn't fix it.

Screens compound the problem.

Blue light from phones and other devices actively suppresses melatonin production, delaying sleepiness even further. Research has found that 89% or more of teenagers keep at least one device in their bedroom at night, and evening screen use is consistently linked to shorter, lower-quality sleep.

Homework, activities, and pressure fill the rest.

Between academics, extracurriculars, jobs, and social lives, many teens don't wind down until 10 or 11 pm at the earliest. Academic anxiety can make it harder to fall asleep even when they do go to bed.

Weekend sleep-ins make things worse.

Sleeping until noon on weekends feels restorative but pushes the internal clock even later, making the following school week harder to start.

03 Impact

What Insufficient Sleep Does to a Teenager

Sleep is when the brain consolidates learning, regulates emotions, and repairs the body. When teenagers consistently don't get enough, the effects are wide-ranging.

Thinking and learning

Sleep deprivation directly impairs memory, attention, and analytical thought. A tired teenager studying for hours is retaining far less than they would after adequate rest. Poor sleep translates reliably to lower academic performance.

Mood and behavior

Sleep loss amplifies irritability, impulsivity, and emotional reactivity. It also affects the development of the frontal lobe, the part of the brain governing impulse control. Studies consistently link sleep deprivation in teens to higher rates of risky behavior, including drunk or distracted driving, substance use, and unprotected sex.

Physical health

Adolescents who chronically under-sleep show early metabolic markers that raise long-term risk for diabetes and cardiovascular disease. The immune system is also compromised.

Mental health

Sleep-deprived teens are significantly more likely to report anxiety and depression, and multiple studies have linked severe sleep deprivation to suicidal ideation. The relationship runs both ways: poor mental health disrupts sleep, and poor sleep worsens mental health. A teenager who is consistently not sleeping is at meaningfully elevated risk for serious mental health struggles.

04 Warning Signs

Signs Your Teen May Be Sleep-Deprived

Some indicators are obvious; others parents commonly overlook:

Signs to Watch For
  • Extreme difficulty waking up in the morning, even with multiple alarms
  • Falling asleep in class or in the car
  • Persistent moodiness, irritability, or emotional volatility that seems disproportionate
  • Difficulty concentrating or completing tasks
  • Relying heavily on caffeine or energy drinks to get through the day
  • Sleeping 12 or more hours on weekends
  • Frequent illness
  • Declining grades without a clear academic reason
  • Increased impulsiveness or risk-taking

One important note: some sleep difficulties are not about habits at all, but about underlying conditions. Sleep apnea, restless leg syndrome, anxiety disorders, and ADHD can all significantly disrupt a teenager's sleep even when they are trying to do everything right. If you have addressed the habit-based factors and your teen is still struggling with sleep, it's worth raising with a doctor.

05 At Home

What You Can Do

Biology, school start times, and social pressure are not entirely within your control. But there is meaningful room to help.

Talk to your teen about it.

Teens are more likely to make changes when they understand why sleep matters and feel involved in the solution. Ask how they're actually feeling during the day, not just when they went to bed.

Set a consistent sleep schedule.

Going to bed and waking up at the same time every day, including weekends, is one of the most effective things you can do. Research has found that teens whose parents maintain a consistent bedtime get more sleep and experience less daytime drowsiness.

Get devices out of the bedroom at night.

This is the highest-impact change most families can make. Phones charged outside the room eliminates both blue light exposure and the pull of late-night notifications. Model it yourself where possible.

Limit screens in the hour before bed.

Blue light from any screen suppresses melatonin. Shift screen-based homework to earlier in the evening and protect the wind-down period for off-screen activities.

Keep the sleep environment comfortable.

A cool, dark, and quiet room makes a real difference. Blackout curtains, a white noise machine, or a small temperature adjustment can all help.

06 Getting Help

Getting Professional Support

If your teen is showing signs of significant sleep disruption alongside mood changes, persistent anxiety, school refusal, or other behavioral shifts, it is worth talking to a professional. Sleep and mental health are closely intertwined, and sometimes sleep problems are a symptom of something else that also needs attention.

Where to start. Your teen's pediatrician is a good first stop for sleep concerns that haven't improved with habit changes. They can screen for underlying conditions like sleep apnea or anxiety and refer you to a specialist if needed.

Your school's Care Hub is also a helpful resource. It connects families with vetted mental health providers who can support teens dealing with sleep-related anxiety, chronic stress, or mood concerns. Individual therapy, including Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia (CBT-I), is an evidence-based approach that works specifically on the thought patterns and behaviors that interfere with sleep, and it has shown real effectiveness in adolescents.

Sources & Citations
  1. Child Mind Institute. Complete Guide to Teenagers and Sleep. childmind.org
  2. Sleep Foundation. Teens and Sleep. sleepfoundation.org

This article is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice. If you are concerned about your child, please reach out to a qualified healthcare provider.

Find a Provider

Adolescent specialists near you

Browse our vetted network of therapists, psychiatrists, and counselors who specialize in adolescent mental health.

Search the Care Hub

More Parent Guides

More recommended resources for families.

How To Talk To Your Child

Why Your Teen May Be Struggling Without Showing It

Depression

Body Image & Eating

Anxiety

Bullying

A Parent's Guide to

Bullying

We’re here to help you understand the signs, start the conversations, and find the right support. A comprehensive guide for families navigating adolescent mental health together.

~5 min read

How can I support my child or teen if they’re being bullied?

Learn how to plan and engage with your community to get the bullying to stop.

IN THIS ARTICLE

01

Introduction

02

What Bullying Actually is

03

Warning Signs Your Teen Is Being Bullied

04

Why Teens Don’t Tell

05

How to Talk to Your Teen About Bullying

06

What You Can Do

07

Getting Professional Support

01 Introduction

When Your Teen Is Being Bullied

Bullying is one of those words that gets used so often it can start to feel vague. But when it's happening to your child, there is nothing vague about it. It is one of the most distressing things a parent can witness, and one of the most confusing to navigate.

About 35% of teenagers report being a victim of bullying at some point. And yet most of them never tell a trusted adult it's happening. Understanding why that is, and what you can do about it, is the first step toward actually helping your teen.

02 Definition

What Bullying Actually Is

Bullying is not a conflict or a disagreement between two people. It is repeated, aggressive behavior directed at someone with the intent to cause harm, fear, or distress. Two things define bullying: it is purposeful, and it involves an imbalance of power, whether that comes from physical size, social status, age, numbers, or anonymity.

Physical

Physical bullying includes hitting, pushing, tripping, spitting, or damaging someone's belongings. It is often the most visible form, but not the most common.

Verbal

Verbal bullying includes name-calling, threats, teasing, and hurtful or degrading comments. It can be harder to document but does real and lasting damage.

Social

Social bullying involves targeting someone's relationships and reputation: spreading rumors, excluding someone from a group, publicly embarrassing them, or turning peers against them.

Cyberbullying

Cyberbullying happens online and through devices: harassing messages or sharing embarrassing images without consent. What makes cyberbullying particularly damaging is its reach. Unlike in-person bullying, it can follow a teen home, into their bedroom, 24 hours a day, and the audience can be enormous.

It's worth being clear: a one-time mean comment or a disagreement between two people, even a heated one, is not bullying. The key factors are repetition, intent to harm, and a power imbalance. That said, if something hurtful is happening to your teen online or in person, it deserves your attention even if it doesn't meet the technical definition.

03 Warning Signs

Warning Signs Your Teen Is Being Bullied

Most teens don't come home and announce they're being bullied. Some are embarrassed. Some are afraid the situation will get worse if an adult gets involved. Some don't want their phone or social media access taken away. And some genuinely don't know if what's happening to them qualifies as bullying.

That's why parents need to know what to look for. Signs that your teen may be experiencing bullying include:

Signs to Watch For
  • Reluctance to go to school, making frequent excuses to stay home, or suddenly skipping activities they used to enjoy
  • A drop in grades or noticeable decline in focus or motivation at school
  • Coming home with unexplained injuries, torn or damaged belongings, or missing items
  • Withdrawing from family and friends, becoming quieter or more isolated
  • Changes in mood: persistent irritability, sadness, anxiety, or outbursts that seem out of proportion
  • Sleep problems, nightmares, or changes in appetite
  • Sudden changes in who they talk to and spend time with
  • Frequent negative self-talk or comments about themselves

For cyberbullying specifically, watch for:

Digital Warning Signs
  • Becoming visibly upset or distressed after using their phone or going online
  • Pulling back from or suddenly abandoning social media accounts they were previously active on
  • Becoming secretive about what they're doing online
  • Changing the amount of time they spend on devices, either dramatically increasing or avoiding them altogether

These signs don't automatically mean bullying is happening, but they're worth a gentle, curious conversation.

04 Understanding Silence

Why Teens Don't Tell

Understanding why your teen might not come to you is as important as knowing the warning signs. There are a few common reasons:

They're afraid of losing their devices.

For teenagers, being online is where much of their social life exists. If they suspect that telling you about cyberbullying will result in their phone being taken away, they'll stay quiet. Make it clear ahead of time that your response to bullying will never be to cut off their access to their world. The bullying is the problem, not the technology.

They feel embarrassed.

Sometimes teens are being bullied because of something they did themselves, an embarrassing moment that spread online, a lapse in judgment that was captured and shared. Shame makes silence feel safer.

They want to handle it themselves.

Teenagers value independence, and asking for help can feel like admitting defeat. They may genuinely believe they should be able to fix it on their own, even when the situation is beyond what any teen should have to manage alone.

They're afraid it will get worse.

Adult intervention doesn't always go smoothly, and teens know this. They may worry that telling you will make the bully angrier, or that it will draw more attention to them.

Knowing these barriers helps you lower them. Create an environment where your teen knows they can come to you without fear of overreaction, without losing their technology, and without you taking over in ways that embarrass them further.

05 Communication

How to Talk to Your Teen About Bullying

If you suspect your teen is being bullied, don't wait for them to bring it up. Open the door yourself, gently and without pressure.

Start with open-ended questions that create space rather than demand answers. "How's things going at school lately?" or "Is there anything going on with any of your friends that's been bothering you?" are easier entry points than "Are you being bullied?" which can put a teen on the defensive.

If they start to share something, listen without jumping in to fix it immediately. Your first goal is to make them feel heard and to let them know they did the right thing by telling you. Resist the urge to launch immediately into action mode or to minimize what they're describing ("Oh that's just how teens are"). What they need first is to feel believed and supported.

Say clearly: "You don't deserve this. None of this is your fault." Then move into problem-solving together, with them involved, not just having things done to them.

If your teen is being bullied because of their own behavior, something they did that became fodder for others, handle it in two steps. First, be unconditionally supportive. Rebuild their confidence. Then, separately, address the behavior or judgment that played a role.

06 Taking Action

What You Can Do

Document everything.

If there is evidence of bullying, especially cyberbullying, save it. Screenshots, messages, dates, and specific incidents. This documentation will matter if you need to involve the school or, in serious cases, law enforcement.

Help them build a safety plan.

Work with your teen on practical strategies: who they can walk with, which trusted adults at school they can go to, how to use privacy settings to limit a bully's access to them online, and how to report and block people on platforms where harassment is happening.

Contact the school.

Bullying that happens at school, or that involves students from their school even if it happens online, is a school matter. Document what you know objectively and bring it to a teacher, counselor, or administrator. Ask what the school's anti-bullying policy is and what specific steps they will take. Follow up.

Strengthen their support outside of school.

Bullying tends to shrink a teen's world. Help expand it back. Encourage connections with peers in different settings, whether that's a sport, a club, a community activity, or a job. Having even one or two solid, supportive friendships outside the immediate social environment where bullying is happening makes a real difference in resilience.

Build their self-esteem intentionally.

Bullying attacks a teen's sense of self. Counter that by acknowledging their strengths, celebrating their interests, and making it clear at home that their uniqueness is something to be proud of, not ashamed of.

07 Getting Help

Getting Professional Support

If your teen is showing signs of significant distress as a result of bullying, including persistent anxiety, depression, withdrawal, or any talk of self-harm, please don't wait.

Where to Start
  • Your school's Care Hub is a great first step. It brings together a range of vetted service providers so you can find the right fit for your family in one place.
  • Options typically include individual therapists, group therapy, in-person sessions, and virtual appointments. The Care Hub makes it easy to browse and connect with providers who specialize in exactly these kinds of situations.

Bullying is a documented contributor to depression and anxiety in teens, and the effects can linger long after the bullying itself has stopped. Therapy can help your teen process what they experienced, rebuild their confidence, and develop tools to handle difficult social situations going forward. It can also help you as a parent understand how to support them most effectively.

Sources & Citations
  1. Family Online Safety Institute (FOSI). 5 Reasons Youth Don't Report Cyberbullying and What Parents Can Do About It. fosi.org
  2. CHOC Children's Health Hub. Bullying Guide. health.choc.org
  3. Raising Children Network. Teen Bullying. raisingchildren.net.au
  4. Healthier Together Schools. Stand Up to Bullying: Tips for Families with Teens. schools.healthiertogether.ca

This article is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice. If you are concerned about your child, please reach out to a qualified healthcare provider.

Find a Provider

Adolescent specialists near you

Browse our vetted network of therapists, psychiatrists, and counselors who specialize in adolescent mental health.

Search the Care Hub

More Parent Guides

More recommended resources for families.

How To Talk To Your Child

Why Your Teen May Be Struggling Without Showing It

Depression

Body Image & Eating

Sleep

Anxiety

"They Seem Fine to Me"

Why Your Teen May Be Struggling Without Showing It

We’re here to help you understand the signs, start the conversations, and find the right support. A comprehensive guide for families navigating adolescent mental health together.

~3 min read

How do I help my child through the challenges they face in the teen years?

The teenage years can be especially challenging to navigate as a parent. Find guidance on keeping the lines of communication open during this time of change.

IN THIS ARTICLE

01

Introduction

02

Home is Where Teens Hold it Together

03

Struggling Doesn’t Always Look The Way We Expect

04

Parents And Teens See The Situation Differently

05

What You Can do Right Now

01 Introduction

Why Your Teen May Be Struggling Without Showing It

You know your teenager. You have a sense of when something is off. So when the possibility comes up that they might be struggling with their mental health, the first feeling is often confusion, followed quickly by something that feels a lot like guilt. Shouldn't you have seen it? Shouldn't they have come to you?

If that's where you are right now, the first thing to know is this: you haven't failed your child. What you're running into is one of the most consistent and well-documented patterns in adolescent mental health. Teenagers, even ones in loving and communicative families, are remarkably good at keeping their inner world private. Not because something is wrong with your relationship. Because of how adolescence works.

02 Understanding the Pattern

Home is where teens hold it together

A significant part of why teens can seem fine at home is that much of what shapes adolescent mental health, including peer dynamics, social comparison, academic pressure, identity questions, and online interactions, plays out in spaces parents don't have visibility into. Your teen may genuinely be relaxed at home. The weight they're carrying belongs to a different environment.

This is also why external tools like school-based mental health screeners can surface things that even attentive parents miss. They capture how a teen is doing across the full context of their life, in a setting where the real pressures exist, and in a moment where the teen can answer honestly without worrying about your reaction.

03 What to Know

Struggling doesn't always look the way we expect

Most people picture a struggling teenager as someone visibly withdrawn, sad, or failing at school. But many teens experiencing significant depression or anxiety continue to function. They go to class, keep up with friends, and appear engaged in daily life, all while carrying something much heavier underneath.

Clinicians sometimes refer to this as "smiling depression" or high-functioning depression. The internal experience is real and serious, but the outward presentation doesn't match the stereotype, and parents often miss it entirely. It's also worth knowing that over half of all mental health conditions first emerge before the age of 14. Many early symptoms, including mild irritability, changes in sleep, and pulling back slightly from family, look nearly identical to ordinary teenage development. It can be hard to tell the difference from the outside, even when you're paying close attention.

Early Signs That Can Be Easy to Miss
  • Mild irritability
  • Changes in sleep
  • Pulling back slightly from family
  • Appearing engaged while carrying something heavier
04 The Research

Parents and teens see the situation differently

A large-scale Pew Research Center survey found that 80% of parents say they feel very comfortable talking to their teen about mental health. Only 52% of teens say the same. That gap isn't a sign that something is broken in your relationship. It shows up consistently across millions of families, in homes that are warm and connected and full of good intentions. Parents believe the door is open. Teens don't always experience it that way, and often that has nothing to do with the parent at all.

A separate NAMI survey found that teens who haven't yet received mental health support are significantly less likely to be talking to a parent about what they're going through. The absence of that conversation at home doesn't mean nothing is happening. It often just means they haven't found the words yet, or aren't sure what will happen if they use them.

Parents

80% say they feel very comfortable talking to their teen about mental health.

Teens

Only 52% of teens say the same.

05 What You Can Do

What you can do right now

You don't need to have this figured out before you take a step. Here are some practical places to start.

Watch for patterns, not single moments.

A rough day or a bad week is normal. What's worth paying attention to is change that persists over weeks: consistently low energy, losing interest in things they used to enjoy, more irritability than usual, or sleep that's noticeably off. None of these alone is a red flag, but a cluster of changes that lasts is worth taking seriously.

Open a low-pressure conversation.

You don't need to announce that you're worried. Something simple and side-by-side often works better than sitting them down: on a walk, in the car, while making dinner. Try something like: "You've seemed a bit off lately. I'm not trying to make a big deal of it, I just wanted to check in." Then let there be silence. You don't need to fix anything in that first conversation. You just need them to know the door is open.

Take outside concerns seriously.

If a school, a coach, or another trusted adult in your child's life has raised a concern, that's worth exploring rather than dismissing. They're seeing your teen in a different environment, and sometimes that vantage point surfaces things that aren't visible at home.

Connect with a professional if the concern persists.

Reaching out to a mental health professional doesn't mean you've concluded something is wrong. It means you're taking the possibility seriously enough to find out. A good therapist is trained to ask the right questions and help teens put words to things they may not yet fully understand themselves.

Whatever brought you to this article, the fact that you're here matters. This doesn't always come with obvious signs to follow or clear moments to act on. Sometimes it just looks like staying present, keeping the door open, and trusting that your relationship with your teen is one of the most protective things in their life, even when it doesn't feel that way from the inside.

Not sure where to start?
  • Our Care Hub connects families with vetted mental health providers who work with teens. Browse the network and find support at your own pace.
Sources & Citations
  1. American Academy of Pediatrics. Promoting Optimal Development: Screening for Mental Health, Emotional, and Behavioral Problems. Pediatrics, 2025. publications.aap.org
  2. Nationwide Children's Hospital. Teen Mental Health Issues and the 'Not My Kid' Phenomenon. 700childrens.org, 2017. nationwidechildrens.org
  3. NAMI / Ipsos. Poll of Teen Mental Health from Teens Themselves. NAMI.org, 2022. nami.org
  4. Newport Academy. How to Recognize Smiling Depression in Teens. Newport Academy, 2025. newportacademy.com
  5. Pew Research Center. Social Media and Teens' Mental Health: What Teens and Their Parents Say. Pew Research Center, 2025. pewresearch.org
  6. McLean Hospital / Deconstructing Stigma. Child and Teen Mental Health: A Guide for Adults. deconstructingstigma.org. deconstructingstigma.org
  7. Silver State Adolescent Treatment. Why Teens Hide Mental Health Struggles from Parents. silverstateadolescenttreatment.com, 2025. silverstateadolescenttreatment.com

This article is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice. If you are concerned about your child, please reach out to a qualified healthcare provider.

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Understanding Your Teen's

Wellbeing

This survey is to help you understand how to support your child. There are no right or wrong answers. It is a private way to reflect on what you have been noticing about your child.

 

This is not a diagnostic tool and your responses are not shared with your child’s school or anyone else. 


Questions about:

Mood & Worry
Food & Body
Sleep
Bullying

4 min

Understanding Your Teen's Wellbeing
Section 1 of 5 0%

Mood & Worry

1.My child seems to worry more than most kids their age about everyday things.

2.My child has been pulling back from things they used to enjoy.

3.My child often complains of stomachaches or headaches, especially before school or social situations.

4.My child needs a lot of reassurance from me or others to feel okay.

Mood & Worry

1.My child doesn't seem to find joy in the things that used to make them happy.

2.My child has seemed down, withdrawn, or not quite themselves lately.

3.My child has been spending more time alone and less time with family or friends.

4.My child has said things that suggest they feel like a burden or that things won't get better.

Food & Body

1.My child says negative things about how they look or feel about their body.

2.My child has become selective or irregular about eating.

3.My child seems unusually focused on food, weight, or what they eat.

4.My child seems uncomfortable or stressed around food and mealtimes.

Sleep

1.My child has a hard time falling or staying asleep most nights.

2.My child is tired during the day even when they've had a full night of sleep.

3.My child is regularly on their phone or devices late into the night.

4.My child's sleep patterns have shifted in a way that feels off.

Bullying

Bullying isn't always visible to parents. Answer based on changes you've noticed, even subtle ones.

1.My child often comes home from school in a different mood than they left.

2.My child has become reluctant to go to school or spend time with friends.

3.My child has become secretive or anxious around their phone or devices.

4.My child seems lonelier than usual or has drifted from their friend group.

Your Results

Based on your responses

Your responses did not indicate significant concerns across the areas we looked at. That is reassuring. Keep paying attention. You clearly know your child well.
Anxiety
Your answers point to some signs of anxiety in your child. This is one of the most common things teenagers struggle with, and the good news is there is a lot of support available. A provider can help your child build some tools to manage worry and feel more like themselves.
Depression
Your answers point to some signs of depression in your child. It can be hard to watch your child pull away or lose their spark. Reaching out to a provider is a meaningful first step toward getting them the support they need.
Body Image & Eating
Your answers point to some concerns around body image or eating. These can be tricky to bring up, but they are important to address early. A provider can help you understand what your child is going through and how to support them.
Sleep
Your answers point to some sleep challenges in your child. Poor sleep affects mood, focus, and overall wellbeing more than most people realize. A provider can help identify what's getting in the way and how to address it.
Bullying
Your answers point to some signs that your child may be experiencing bullying. You know your child best. If something feels off, it is worth exploring. A provider can help you figure out how to approach the conversation and support your child through it.
Understanding what your child may be going through is the first step. Browse the providers on the Care Hub below to find the right support for your family.

Find a Provider

Adolescent specialists near you

Browse our vetted network of therapists, psychiatrists, and counselors who specialize in adolescent mental health.

Search the Care Hub

More Parent Guides

More recommended resources for families.

How To Talk To Your Child

Anxiety

Depression

Body Image & Eating

Sleep

Bullying

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